I'm just an average girl who thinks about average things in a not-so-normal way.


Friday, April 11, 2014

That feeling.

Last night while flossing my teeth, seeing little flecks of food residue splatter on the mirror (A topic for another blog-is there a cleaner way to floss?! Those food bits have to go somewhere.)…something happened. Something cringe-worthy... My just-used floss caught the edge my nail and flicked tooth-crusties right up my nose.

In shock, I paused at how disgusted I felt…I’ve felt this before, this uncomfortable, wrong on so many levels kinda feeling…

To which another memory popped up. One I’ve been hesitant to share for its similar level of uncomfort and embarrassment.

Once, as I was clipping my toenails, I bent over to shorten ole’ big toe, always requiring an little extra umph.  I clipped. It flew. I flinched. Eyes fluttered. 

Just like one of those scenes in a movie where a football flies in slow motion to hit a side-viewer right in the nose…this nail clipping landed directly in my eye.

Panicked, I mirrored-up, removed the nail, and felt grateful it didn’t land pointy-side up. Ah yes, that feeling…so similar…I wonder to myself if others have this feeling.

My mind flashes, there is one more…one that I expect to be more common. Empathize with me here…

You know those times when your poo plops more than expected and your contaminated toilet water splashes up on your bum. 

That.

That feeling.


Let’s all shudder together in disgust.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

So much in common (sarcasm intended)

I got a new roommate...I could go on and on about our differences. From her noticeably fake nails, strong opinions about banks and cable companies, to her lengthy primping routine.

But all I really need to say is that the name of her cat is Louis Vuitton.

It took me 4 attempts, then 2 google searches to figure out how to spell the flipping name.

After she went on to tell me that his nickname is Louie, it took me some serious self-control not to reply:

"Funny! My cat's name is Target...I'm sure they'd be best buddies.  Just kidding, no they wouldn't."

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Barely moving

Yesterday at the gym I opted for lunges prior to my elliptical routine. Though I don't recall the last time I did them specifically, I consider myself in relatively decent shape so I lunged right in... 

Today I wake miserable. I contemplated something seriously wrong.

Something's happened to my legs. Ouch ouch, my leggggs. Cut them off, I'm done with them. 

I am in pain and want to do nothing but moan all day. Except perhaps hire a butler from Craigslist via my phone...in bed.  So he can bring me all my day's necessities. 

I started to see a parallel form...

Doing lunges is like drinking. If you haven't done it in a while, you're going to feel it in the morning... And wish you had a butler...that's a monkey...because I mean... a lil monkey butler named Wiggles...talk about a day-maker. 

Written via phone in bed. No legs were used or harmed when typing this post.