I'm just an average girl who thinks about average things in a not-so-normal way.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

My kind of humor

We arrive at church and experienced the normal pre-service chit chat...

How are you? How was your weekend? Do anything fun?

I shared that we went to a comedy club the night before but was unimpressed, wishing the comedy was a bit more every-day-relatable rather than being littered with curse words, vulgar comments, racial jokes and Jersey-lifestyle references.

Just as the "we're about to start" music began and the room quieted, someone sneezed.

An orchestra of "bless you's" erupted throughout the room...

I whispered to Matt. This. This is perfect comedy material.

One will never feel as blessed as when they sneeze at church.

Meanwhile, you know Jesus is all like, "Whoa, whoa, you stole my line".

Monday, January 18, 2016

Preparing for my 30s

As I laid awake, trying to rest up for my 30th birthday, soaking in my final minutes of my 20s...I felt uncomfortable. 

I wasn't able to to sleep. I wasn't able to settle in. I wasn't able to cozy up to my body pillow (affectionately  named Bobby Pillow) and fall into a deep slumber.

With the comfort of my husband at arms reach, I was remained restless and agitated. 

I felt the minutes linger as I attempted to deep breath my way towards snooze town.

After many failed attempts at relaxing, imagining myself gracefully swimming through cool misty clouds (a personal favorite...patent pending), I was fed up.

Damn it-I have to pee.

Still, avoiding the inevitable, I curled to my side, adjusted my pj's waistband to avoid pressure on my bloated bladder...and reflected on the past 15 minutes...and also the past 30 years.

How the hell have I not learned this lesson? 

We all know that the urge to tinkle will always beat out one's determination to sleep...waiting it out doesn't work and if it does, it's only temporary...resulting in a rude awaking in the middle of the night, requiring a painful waddle to the bathroom.

As I laid awake, trying to rest up for my 30th birthday, I vowed to stop attempting to wait it out. I would not repeat the mistakes of my 20s. I would learn from the many lessons of my past. 

My 30s are the the decade where I start respecting my body's need to pee, honoring my body's requirement for a restful  night sleep, and gosh darn-it, my 30s are the decade where I start avoiding liquid consumption at least 2 hours before bedtime.

Yup, it's going to be a good decade.


Friday, April 11, 2014

That feeling.

Last night while flossing my teeth, seeing little flecks of food residue splatter on the mirror (A topic for another blog-is there a cleaner way to floss?! Those food bits have to go somewhere.)…something happened. Something cringe-worthy... My just-used floss caught the edge my nail and flicked tooth-crusties right up my nose.

In shock, I paused at how disgusted I felt…I’ve felt this before, this uncomfortable, wrong on so many levels kinda feeling…

To which another memory popped up. One I’ve been hesitant to share for its similar level of uncomfort and embarrassment.

Once, as I was clipping my toenails, I bent over to shorten ole’ big toe, always requiring an little extra umph.  I clipped. It flew. I flinched. Eyes fluttered. 

Just like one of those scenes in a movie where a football flies in slow motion to hit a side-viewer right in the nose…this nail clipping landed directly in my eye.

Panicked, I mirrored-up, removed the nail, and felt grateful it didn’t land pointy-side up. Ah yes, that feeling…so similar…I wonder to myself if others have this feeling.

My mind flashes, there is one more…one that I expect to be more common. Empathize with me here…

You know those times when your poo plops more than expected and your contaminated toilet water splashes up on your bum. 


That feeling.

Let’s all shudder together in disgust.